It’s a New Year, and I’ve talked with so many people who are anticipating massive breakthroughs, new opportunities and simply having their best year yet. It’s no secret the past few years have been rough for many people, both personally and professionally.  Businesses are struggling.  Millions are out of work.  Marriages are crumbling.  The sentiment of “Out With The Old, In With the New” is stronger than ever before. As a professional coach, I’m thrilled that so many people are waking up to what they really want and taking responsibility and ownership of their future. Yet at the same time, I want to make sure you don't get too overly aggressive about dreaming and planning for the future that it hinders your ability to take concrete steps towards those goals today. Please understand that when you get so busy looking ahead and creating a mental picture of what you “need to do” and where you “should be,” it’s impossible to have clarity or be at peace within yourself. If you get too exuberant or obsessed with “should-ing yourself”, those thoughts of excitement and anticipation for the future can quickly turn toxic, as you’ll hear: “You’ve fallen short.” “You should have made more progress by now.” “Maybe you really don’t have what it takes.” “You’ve been lucky so far. You don’t have the talent or smarts to sustain this long-term.” “Things aren’t really changing. Maybe it’s not meant to be.” Success and achievement for the future needs to be anchored in appreciation and clearly knowing our past. Celebrating how far you’ve come is critical to your success. Of course we must have clear goals and dreams for the future.  But equally important to our success is learning how to stay in the present. Celebrate the small victories and learn how to declare in hard times: “I may not be where I NEED to be yet, but thank goodness I’m not where I USED to be!” Half the battle in reaching your dreams is keeping what I call the “Minimizer Gremlin” in check so that when struggles and setbacks arise (which they will!), you can appreciate how far you’ve come and harvest that wisdom.   While everything may not be tied up in a neat and tidy bow, simply having that awareness and now being in a position to choose to DO something about it is huge progress. So as you move forward in setting your goals and getting clear about what you want this year, don't forget to strengthen your celebration muscles along the way.  Here’s a few “conditioning” questions designed to keep your brilliance backbone strong in times of insecurity doubt and fear: 1.  How would I have handled this issue or problem 6 months ago? A year ago? As you answer this question, notice how much you’ve grown and shifted in your ability to handle more complex problems or challenges in your life. 2.  What skills, insight and wisdom have I gained in my journey that I can apply to this situation? Get specific about your new awareness and claim your shifts. 3.  What impact have I had from sharing my skills, services and experience with others? What evidence or feedback do you have that your life or business are making a positive contribution to others? Assure yourself that you are good enough and that even right now, you are making valuable contributions to the world. © 2012 Carolyn B. Ellis All Rights Reserved WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete statement with it:

I think there’s no such thing as “instant success.” Long-lasting and enduring success is always the result of conscious, consistent and persistent action and preparation. Sure sometimes people may choose the right numbers and win the lottery jackpot. But studies show lottery winners often end up back in the same financial situation or even worse just a year or two later. Why? Because they haven’t prepare for and wired themselves for success. There’s nothing like a New Year to trigger an intense cocktail of fresh optimism and hope, with a dash of overwhelm, fear of failure and confusion about how to make your roadmap to success this year. Having been in the midst of some home renovation work recently, I’ve been noticing some of the important, and sometimes invisible, steps that my contractor is taking to ensure my house ends up strong, beautiful and peaceful. Whether you’re growing a business, strengthening a relationship, or starting a new project, it might be tempting to go for the quick-fix. But when you take short-cuts, you aren’t building the internal emotional and spiritual stamina to make powerful choices and take decisive action on an ongoing basis. But with these 3 steps to brilliant success, you’ll be assured that you’re setting yourself for success and impact. Key #1 – Be Prepared To get a job done right, you need to make sure you’re prepared and have the right tools. In doing my home repairs, I’ve been amazed at all the gizmos, gadgets and tools my contractor has on hand. He’s prepared for the usual repair job, and the quirky oddball attention an older home needs. Sometimes people stall out because they don’t have the right tools or preparation done in advance. Being prepared for your success means knowing what tools you have at your disposal and knowing where you might have some gaps. It means assessing your situation to know what’s working, what’s not and what your priorities for change are. Key #2 – Be Patient and Persistent In fixing up a home that is almost 100 years old, it seems that there is no end to the cracks that need to be filled, caulked or sealed. Some of the walls in my home look like swiss cheese with all the plaster repairs right now. But to get my home back in sparkling condition, the job needs to be done thoroughly and correctly. To fill each crack requires a few coats of plaster, with drying time and sanding in between.  It takes persistence to find all the cracks. It takes patience to prepare the surface for the paint. If these steps are missed, the cracks can reappear or show through the paint job. Taking your personal or professional life to a new level of success requires both patience and persistence as well. Staying steady in your vision and goals will help you stay on target so your ultimate success doesn't fall short of the mark. Key #3 – Be in Integrity One of the reasons I ended up with my home repair project was because it turns out the roofers who did my house over 15 years ago had no integrity. I learned they did very shoddy work, putting shingling straight onto the bare wood and in some cases even over holes in the aging planks! As the homeowner, I had no idea until water damage started showing up in various rooms. I assumed that they delivered what I paid for. Being in integrity is a powerful force for aligning your purpose, energy and action. It’s what attracts great people into your life and fills you with a strong internal sense of peace and confidence within yourself.   © 2012 Carolyn B. Ellis All Rights Reserved  

The end of the year is a natural time for self-reflection of what’s happened and planning and intention for the year ahead. Someone once said that the greatest mistake we can ever make is making the same missteps over and over again. We’ve all enrolled in the school called “Life on Planet Earth.” Challenging relationships, health challenges, difficult bosses, rebellious teenagers and experiencing joy, grief, betrayal and everything in between is simply part of our soul curriculum. We need to pass one course before we can move on to the next. Good students know that when you review your notes and apply the principles you’ve learned, you’ll end up passing the course with flying colors! By reflecting upon, and articulating, the lessons learned, one gains true wisdom and the ability to master one’s life. As the year winds down to a close, it’s a perfect time to notice and share those pearls of wisdom. If you were at the end of your life, looking back on your experience, what advice or lessons would you want to pass on to others who were just about to start out? I recently took the opportunity to do just that and offer to you some of the pearls of wisdom I have gained:

• Love and accept yourself completely. Life is WAY more fun that way.

• Peace must start within yourself before you can see it or create is it in your family, community or the world.

• The greatest wisdom is in the heart, not the head.

• Be damn grateful to be alive.

• It’s natural that people come in to and out of your life. But you are never alone.

• Trust that the Universe is a friendly place and that you are loved.

• Your ego’s only job is to keep you safe. But don’t believe everything it tells you.

• Speak your truth always.

• It doesn’t matter if other people like you or agree with you. What matters is that YOU like you and that you act with integrity.

• Sink into and notice the little moments and details of your life. That’s where the wonder and joy of living will be found.

• See everyone and everything as incredible gifts for you to unwrap.

• It doesn’t matter who’s right or wrong. That’s an ego game designed to keep you stuck. What matters are the choices you make.

• Be humble. Don’t take anyone for granted. That includes you as well.

• Everything is energy. Everything has a vibration. Everything you do, say or think creates a ripple effect. Managing your vibration is the most profound and sacred duty you have.

• Forgive yourself when you make a mistake or react out of fear. Love yourself forward.

• Use your feelings, honor them and express them. Feelings are the language of the soul.

• Expect to feel fear when you’re doing something new. It doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. Welcome it as a sign you’re growing and expanding.

• Celebrate your victories. Celebrate your mistakes. Celebrate everything that contributes to your awakening and remembrance of how incredible you truly are.

• Remember you created your life’s curriculum before you got here. There are no mistakes in life. Life is like an adventure. Don’t forget to have fun along the way.

• Everyone has their own unique path and schedule. You don’t have to take other people’s issues on as your own problem. Give them the gift of discovering their own answers and wisdom.

• Our greatest challenges are the greatest teachers because they require you to draw upon wisdom, strength and resources you might never otherwise know that you had.

So, what are some of your own pearls of wisdom? © 2011 Carolyn B. Ellis All Rights Reserved

Q. “Why did I jump into another bad relationship and only get dumped again?” A. How to successfully start a new relationship after your divorce is definitely a “hot button” topic with people going through the separation process. Your question reminds me of that wonderful movie with Bill Murray called “Groundhog Day.” In this comedy, the main character wakes up each morning caught in a time loop, experiencing the same day over and over again. He realizes until he re-examines his life and priorities and starts making different choices. Without understanding more about what was not working in your marriage and the choices you need to make for yourself first can be a set-up to have your own “Groundhog Day” experience when it comes to dating after divorce. While there are never any iron-clad guarantees when it comes to love relationships, there are some things you need to know about so you can increase your chances of finding lasting love. There are a number of important strategies you can implement when dating after divorce. In fact, there is a whole section of the award-winning Divorce Resource Kit (HYPERLINK TO SALES PAGE) devoted to it. However, allow me to share a few key tips to get you started. One important tip is to identify what it is you DO want in a relationship. Extract all the… wisdom from your divorce by identify what didn’t work in your relationship. Make a list of the characteristics and dynamics that didn’t serve you well. Write them down on paper, and then for each one ask yourself what you do want instead in a new partner. For example, if your ex was “close-minded” you might write down that you want a partner that is “open-minded” instead. Creating this kind of a list can help you get a much clearer idea of what you DO want in relationship. It help to break you out of unconscious or reactive choices, and helps you get back in the driver’s seat when it comes to dating again. Sometimes people jump into relationships very quickly out of loneliness. Not wanting to feel their own sadness, anger or pain, jumping into a new relationship can seemingly offer a solution. But it’s quite a burden to put on a new partner the need to make you happy and not feel lonely. This is why I recommend people take the time to date yourself first. The end of your marriage is a time for learning more about yourself. Start treating yourself with the love, respect and appreciation you would like to have in a romantic relationship. Give yourself some time to emotionally start to heal and then you’ll be in a much stronger, wiser position to being a new relationship that can last.

Fear – clammy palms, pit in the stomach, throat in knots, heart pounding. We’ve all been there, right? At the edge of a proverbial cliff. Your past and present on one side, your dreams and future aspirations on the other. It’s the point where your feet are still on solid ground but your heart and soul want more for you. The next step requires you to step off the cliff into the unknown and hope that you don’t end up smashed to pieces in the process. Where might you be feeling at the edge of your cliff? Perhaps you realize your relationship is no longer fulfilling you, and it’s time to part ways so you can experience more love and connection. Maybe your career feels stifling to you, and you can’t deny that your soul cries a little bit every time you head into a meeting with your boss. Or perhaps you are your own boss, and it’s time to expand your vision and your reach but the thought of putting your services out there in even more powerful ways makes you weak in the knees. The cliff’s edge appears anytime we are on the point of reinventing ourselves and stepping into the next greatest and highest version of you. Everyone gets to these moments where the “tried and true” doesn’t cut it anymore. We get restless and agitated in our comfort zone, but when the moment comes to bust out into our fullest and most brilliant potential, there can be hesitation. It is at the moments of our greatest reinvention and breakthroughs that the inner critic starts to play nasty. The ego desperately wants to keep us safe and secure so it will break out the most frightening scenarios, logical sounding excuses and intense fears designed to cause you to step back from the edge of the cliff. We stare into the abyss and say “Holy s….mokes! What am I thinking?” No one is immune from feeling the fear when standing at the edge of the cliff. Whether you’re a gazillionaire or just starting out, everyone feels the fear of stepping out. The difference is that truly successful and brilliant leaders know how to move through the fear zone quickly and effectively so they don’t get sidetracked. Here are 3 tips you can put to use right away to help you break free of your comfort zone and soar to your potential. Tip #1 – See Your Impact Bigger Than Your Fears One of the quickest ways to break out of analysis paralysis and immobilizing fears is to just get over yourself. Remember WHY you want to step off the cliff in the first place. There are people out there who are waiting for your gifts, talents and presence. It could be a group of clients, it could be a new life partner, it could be an organization dedicated to ending world hunger. When we stop ourselves short, we rip other people off. Connect to your dreams. Be inspired by the difference you want to make in your lifetime. After all, some of the world’s greatest leaders and visionaries like Ghandi or King didn’t settle for what was comfortable. They took a stand for a bigger picture than their own personal fears or doubts. Tip #2 – Break It Down When your ego is grabbing onto your ankles trying to keep you playing small, it’s easier to dislodge its grip by breaking things down into small steps. When my father taught me how to ride a bike, he didn’t just say “Here’s a bike, now go and ride it.” He had me first practice handling the bike. Then he supported me as I started to pedal. Before I knew it, his hand was gone and I was riding on my own. My goal was not to do the Tour de France right off the bat, but simply to ride around the track in the local school yard. Identify the next simple action step you can take, and then go for it. Get a quick win! Enjoy your success and then look for your next step. There’s nothing like inspired action and success to dissipate the fear and give you confidence to keep going for your dreams. Tip #3 – Grab Your Parachute When your fears get really loud and make you want to stop in your tracks, it’s fine to stop for a moment. Is there something you’ve forgotten? Do you have all the tools and resources you need? Do you have the support of people in your life who can hold you to your highest and encourage you to step into your potential? Before you make any big leaps in life, make sure you have your parachute on. Whether it’s having a coach, mentor, support group or a circle of trusted friends, it’s easier to bust loose when you know you are not alone. Take advantage of those who have gone before you. Let yourself be buoyed by people who know you cheering you on. © 2011 Carolyn B. Ellis All Rights Reserved