Question:

“I still have feelings of anger and revenge towards my ex, and we separated over a year ago now. I feel stuck and let his decision to end our marriage cloud my perspective. How do I let go of this?”

Answer:

You are definitely not alone in holding a lasting grudge and feeling those angers and resentments towards your ex-partner. It’s a fairly common situation and most of us go through that as a phase. However, how long do you want to have this phase last? I’m reminded of a great quote… by Buddha: “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”

Find constructive ways to channel and express your anger. Writing anger letters, working out physically, or processing those emotions with a divorce coach or therapist may be very helpful. Is there a passion or cause that you could champion and allow to be the beneficiary of that fiery energy and passion?

Ultimately the best revenge is a life well lived. By continuing to nurse a grudge and let it run your life, you’re the one creating your own suffering and self-abuse, not your ex. What do you get out of holding on to it? Do you get sympathy from others, or a great excuse to not express and create your highest potential? Who would you be if you could let it go and redirect the enormous amount of energy that’s being consumed in your feelings of revenge. What are some of the valuable life lessons you received from your relationship that will forever change your life in a positive way? Can you feel gratitude for that?

Take it one step at a time, and just know that by even becoming aware of all the ways these sticky feelings consume you now you are starting the process of letting them go.

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