Q. “Why did I jump into another bad relationship and only get dumped again?”

A. How to successfully start a new relationship after your divorce is definitely a “hot button” topic with people going through the separation process. Your question reminds me of that wonderful movie with Bill Murray called “Groundhog Day.” In this comedy, the main character wakes up each morning caught in a time loop, experiencing the same day over and over again. He realizes until he re-examines his life and priorities and starts making different choices.

Without understanding more about what was not working in your marriage and the choices you need to make for yourself first can be a set-up to have your own “Groundhog Day” experience when it comes to dating after divorce. While there are never any iron-clad guarantees when it comes to love relationships, there are some things you need to know about so you can increase your chances of finding lasting love.

There are a number of important strategies you can implement when dating after divorce. In fact, there is a whole section of the award-winning Divorce Resource Kit (HYPERLINK TO SALES PAGE) devoted to it. However, allow me to share a few key tips to get you started.

One important tip is to identify what it is you DO want in a relationship. Extract all the…

wisdom from your divorce by identify what didn’t work in your relationship. Make a list of the characteristics and dynamics that didn’t serve you well. Write them down on paper, and then for each one ask yourself what you do want instead in a new partner. For example, if your ex was “close-minded” you might write down that you want a partner that is “open-minded” instead.

Creating this kind of a list can help you get a much clearer idea of what you DO want in relationship. It help to break you out of unconscious or reactive choices, and helps you get back in the driver’s seat when it comes to dating again.

Sometimes people jump into relationships very quickly out of loneliness. Not wanting to feel their own sadness, anger or pain, jumping into a new relationship can seemingly offer a solution. But it’s quite a burden to put on a new partner the need to make you happy and not feel lonely. This is why I recommend people take the time to date yourself first. The end of your marriage is a time for learning more about yourself. Start treating yourself with the love, respect and appreciation you would like to have in a romantic relationship. Give yourself some time to emotionally start to heal and then you’ll be in a much stronger, wiser position to being a new relationship that can last.